The standard pace is for chumps

I have huge challenges ahead of me which will make my life interesting for sure.  But I have no expression of ambition in my life and it’s crippling me.  Beyond kindness and generosity there are only a few people in this world that I know that actually impress me and in them I see an “honorable” ambition and I want that.  And for better or worse I am actually generically predisposed for ambition.  But almost every day, all day, my focus and time is spent on property maintenance (without an income).  Not exactly an outlet for ambition.

I live in a country that is not large enough for industry.  In my research I came across a financial report about Belize from 1999.  I realize that it’s 22 years old but I don’t think much has changed.  In that report it says “The entire Belize economy is about the size of the economy of a small town of 25,000 people in the U.S.”  About fifty percent of the Belize economy is basically split between agriculture and tourism.

Your life is the fruit of your own doing. You have no one to blame but yourself – Joseph Campbell

I don’t have the land or machinery for large scale farming, nor any interest in clearing jungle for that purpose.  Not that I know anything about actual farming anyways.

The majority of Belize’s tourism revolves around cruise ships and the Cayes (snorkeling & diving).  I suspect any successful inland tourist operations are all inclusive with some kind of major highlight and tour guides.  Expanding on my Airbnb for the purposes of tourism is an option.   But I never heard of any rich Airbnb hosts, especially when I currently book an average of 2 nights a month.

I have already tried multiple times to get an online business going in Canada as a source of income.  They have failed and I have no more allies or potential partner options in Canada.  I can not ship anything to Canada or the US from Belize as the minimum shipping charge (even for a lousy envelope) is about $80 USD.

The biggest battle is not to lose heart – A Story Worth Living (movie)

Currently my best option for an income is an online video English tutorial job that pays $10 USD an hour.  I dread the idea of this job and/but after 6 months I am still waiting for stinking internet service on the farm.

I live in a country where food inflation is through the roof and most of its citizens live in poverty.  Everything is expensive here.  This is also a country of very little ambition or thought beyond today.  As strange as it sounds almost no one in this country thinks past today.  Almost as if tomorrow will never come.

It has been a challenge adjusting to a regular lifestyle with routine.  I would never be able to do this life in Canada.  I would hate my life if I was in Canada right now.  But here in Belize I at least have stimuli of nature and the wonder of what type of nature/creation crosses my path tomorrow.  For me Belize is about as close to the “wild west” as I am likely able to find.  And for that reason, I could not live anywhere else.

In Belize if you are not independently wealthy, established or retired the best that you can hope for is survival.  Be self sufficient and barely survive.

The obstacle is the way

Currently I am like a prisoner in paradise.  In my current situation I would be able to leave the farm for a few days at a time.  But survival for me means getting into aquaponics, raising chickens and a guard dog.  With no real allies or people I can seriously count on in the not-so-distant future (when I proceed with said projects) I won’t be able to leave the farm longer than an afternoon.  For someone who has traveled as I have that is a tough pill to swallow.

As a “prisoner” whose daily focus is property maintenance it is very difficult to see or make goals of ambition, the ability to make a difference (in the world) on a large scale or the ability to thrive and not just survive.  Historically a lifestyle of routine has been my biggest nightmare and the hardest parts of my life.  Well, my life has become a routine just like the rest of the world.  At least fortunately my routine takes place in a fairly interesting country.

My ambition is to raise millions of seedling trees for reforestation.  But I find it hard to see me making money at that here.  I see it as possibly a labor of love.  But I don’t know what to do after the seedlings are raised.  [But I haven’t really looked into any options either at this point.]  I also find it hard to see how I can afford or finance this goal on a large scale (to satisfy my need for ambition) with no support (in the world) or proper source of income or finance.

Whether you believe you can or can’t you are right

I should mention that it does not escape me that most people have bigger worries than “ambition.”  Many people are a prisoner in their own hell (not paradise).  But most people also have a family or friends network they interact with or count on everyday.  I have none of that and don’t really anticipate that changing too much in my lifetime.  Furthermore, it does not escape me that my failure is guaranteed or that my circumstances wont change by my hand or someone else’s.  That perhaps what I need most is to simply change “my” attitude about my current situation.  This post is not about “poor me.”  This post is simply an exercise in purging the anxieties that are currently bouncing around in my head.

Written April 29, 2022

ADDITION NOTE – As suspected by getting my thoughts on paper I am not feeling nearly as stuck as I did.  Not that I have solutions to my situation but I do have a renewed motivation to continue to move forward with my vision. May 3, 2022

Disclosure: first and foremost, I acknowledge that there are people in the world with far worse stories, events and situations in their lives.  You simply have to look no further than the Ukraine.  This post is not about woe is me.  I also realize that all I have to do is change my attitude and my life will be perfect just like yours.

The purpose of this writing is to help process what is going through my head to actually help change my attitudes.  And to simply disclose the challenges of trying to start a life in an isolated, third world environment.  I also find that writing about these things goes along way to put my anxieties into context resulting in a better more constructive perspective about my life.

I don’t trust anyone

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